Assesment after first day of college: My life sucks.
I hate it here so much. I know its only the first day and blah blah blah, but you're supposed to have a feeling. A good feeling. I never had that here, but I never felt miserable. Now, I'm miserable.
Im trying really hard not to cry and all, because I already miss my house and my insane family and my animals. I almost dont want to see them again before I go away, but oh well. Im thinking I made a mistake coming here. Im excited for London, yeah, but I dont know what Im going to do second semester.
I also took my first college shower.
Ive already started to scope out the gay boys, because, you know, this is me. I butt-danced with one today and he was nice, but eh. So far no gbs in my year, but they're all reaaalllyy ht sporty straight soccer guys.
I dont know how to handle hot straight boys. I don't. Gay boys, yes, I've got that, but the straight ones? I'm going do die alone.
Im really starting to freak out about London.
I'd probably be anxious for college anyway, just because its a change (for an angry liberal, I'm pretty sucky with change), but... going to freaking London? Not seeing my family or my animals or my friends for four months? I feel like a goddamned idiot, really, but I know that I'm just being a lameass and I'll love it when I'm there.
Plus, my school has given me next-to-nothing as far as information goes. I don't know my classes, I don't know where I'm living, I don't know how long I'll need to live out of my suitcase, I dont know what supplies I need, I don't know anything. Nothing. My laptop that was ordered isnt coming in until August 25-- I leave on the 27th-- and my suitcases are too small. God forbid theres something wrong with the computer, or I dont have time to get my important files transferred over. PLUS, hahaha, I'll de dealing with transfer shit while Im there. Lovely.
I know its an amazing experience, and I know Ill love it, I'm just in freakout mode. Maaaaajor freakout mode.
I was close to a panic attack today so I went out and bought a new bottle of shampoo and a new thing of deodorant and a clothes basket just so I could feel like I got SOMETHING done. Blehhhhhh.
But Mad might visit me out there, any maybe even some of my lameass friends from school-- even though they're all lazy bums-- and perhaps Ill even meet up with a few people from the Center, if its possible.
Right now I just hate myself for not picking Emerson. It was a blessing they chose to let me in in the first place, such an honor, and I turned THAT down to go to Arcadia. Emerson, the freaking... Harvard of Arts and Media. WHY, MOLLY?! WHY YOU SO STUPID?!
Bah. British boys. If it wasn't for them and their accents, I doubt I'd be going in the first place.
MADELINES HEEEEERREEE!! Chicka yeaaaaaaahhhh.
Watching Queer as Folk. What else. We're so lame.
So, I'm spending my first semester of college in London. How brilliant is that?
And Madeline is possibly probably hopefully coming to visitttttt!! For my eighteenth birthdayyyyy!! <3 <3 <3
And I'm failing my AP exams. Sweet. Bring it.
I really hate writing film essays. They really, really suck.
End of story.
I have to admit it; I cried today. More than once.
I'll leave it short. I have never felt so hopeful, so inspired, or so happy in all of my life. I know I'm only seventeen, but this feeling has completely changed me, and I know I'll continue to look back on today, on November 4th, on this entire year, and feel like I can do some good. I'm able to look at my country and feel proud, look at our leader and feel inspired, and generally feel like we can do anyhting. We can change the world!
But enough sappiness!
Bono said it best: "When this man swears on Lincoln's bible, he proves that America exists. This man changes everything."
Amen, Bono. America exists.