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Your Resident Dentist
16 April 2008 @ 09:52 pm
love so totally rekindled. again.
15 April 2008 @ 12:26 pm
isolation
I'm majorly bumming today. Majorly.
Lately Ive just felt like I've worked myself into a hole. Like Ive made so many mistakes, too many to handle right now. I'm in a corner and that's my own fault. I trusted people when I shouldn't have, I overreacted when I shouldn't have, I was mean and selfish when I thought that wasn't what I was doing. I realize that by trying to spare so many people's feelings sometimes, I just made it worse. I have to learn to be more honest and figure out what I want- not try to do what I think will make someone else happy or something that will calm things down.
Its not my job to calm things down. Its my job to do what I want. I can't continue to let myself bend and fit into what other people want or what they expect.
Ive thrown away things I miss. I lost my best friend back in eighth grade because I thought I was right. How pathetic is that? We got in a fight and I refused to do anything proactive about it because I thought I was right. I'll always regret that and I'll always miss her, but I think four years is too long to change anything now.
I tried too hard to fit in. Freshman year, I had what I thought was a great gropu of friends. One of them, however, completely ruined my life for a good six months or so. I let it happen. I didn't fight back or stand up for myself or tell her she was PSYCHO. I let her sit me down and I let her say, "I'm not doing this to follow her, I'm doing this because this is what I want to do," like that was supposed to make me feel better. I hate that I still havent told her exactly how I think about her and I hate that she thinks she's perfect. I hate myself for letting her walk all over me, take THEM all over me. I was too preoccupied with trying to keep the peace and went about standing up for myself in the wrong way.
... But she's really ugly and looked grotesque at prom. Im a horrible person but that made me SO much happier.
And I mean, even online. I look back and realize how much I missed out on. I miss some people so much and I kick myself over opportunities I missed because I got too focused or wrapped up in something. I mean, some of it was great, like with Carrie- we'll always be close, I think, but I still wish I got into things more. I wish I was just MYSELF and I wish I still had some of my old friends back. Sure, I was hurt by some of them, but I did hurting as well. I am not part of a group or a pair- I am me. I can decide for myself who i want to be friends with, who I want to forgive, and what I want to do. I need to stop thinking that I'm not.
So I need to stop being too proud. I need to be prouder. I need to stop trying to be what people expect or what I think they want. I just need to be myself and be honest. Im going to try to mend bridge (slowly, because I'm a wuss) and really try to be honest with myself and everyone else.
Im sorry for the major wankfest! And Im leaving this public. Maybe some people will see it and help things along the way.
Lately Ive just felt like I've worked myself into a hole. Like Ive made so many mistakes, too many to handle right now. I'm in a corner and that's my own fault. I trusted people when I shouldn't have, I overreacted when I shouldn't have, I was mean and selfish when I thought that wasn't what I was doing. I realize that by trying to spare so many people's feelings sometimes, I just made it worse. I have to learn to be more honest and figure out what I want- not try to do what I think will make someone else happy or something that will calm things down.
Its not my job to calm things down. Its my job to do what I want. I can't continue to let myself bend and fit into what other people want or what they expect.
Ive thrown away things I miss. I lost my best friend back in eighth grade because I thought I was right. How pathetic is that? We got in a fight and I refused to do anything proactive about it because I thought I was right. I'll always regret that and I'll always miss her, but I think four years is too long to change anything now.
I tried too hard to fit in. Freshman year, I had what I thought was a great gropu of friends. One of them, however, completely ruined my life for a good six months or so. I let it happen. I didn't fight back or stand up for myself or tell her she was PSYCHO. I let her sit me down and I let her say, "I'm not doing this to follow her, I'm doing this because this is what I want to do," like that was supposed to make me feel better. I hate that I still havent told her exactly how I think about her and I hate that she thinks she's perfect. I hate myself for letting her walk all over me, take THEM all over me. I was too preoccupied with trying to keep the peace and went about standing up for myself in the wrong way.
... But she's really ugly and looked grotesque at prom. Im a horrible person but that made me SO much happier.
And I mean, even online. I look back and realize how much I missed out on. I miss some people so much and I kick myself over opportunities I missed because I got too focused or wrapped up in something. I mean, some of it was great, like with Carrie- we'll always be close, I think, but I still wish I got into things more. I wish I was just MYSELF and I wish I still had some of my old friends back. Sure, I was hurt by some of them, but I did hurting as well. I am not part of a group or a pair- I am me. I can decide for myself who i want to be friends with, who I want to forgive, and what I want to do. I need to stop thinking that I'm not.
So I need to stop being too proud. I need to be prouder. I need to stop trying to be what people expect or what I think they want. I just need to be myself and be honest. Im going to try to mend bridge (slowly, because I'm a wuss) and really try to be honest with myself and everyone else.
Im sorry for the major wankfest! And Im leaving this public. Maybe some people will see it and help things along the way.
22 January 2008 @ 06:19 pm
Death.
Obviously I’m thinking a lot about it today, and I’ve decided that the most horrible thing about it, really, is people that pass it off as nothing. People who care more about themselves than someone who has just passed away, regardless of relation or personal feeling.
Someone, you know, who just may have a baby daughter left without a father.
I think its absolutely ridiculous and disgusting that people can be so selfish as to think of themselves, or petty misfortunes a death has caused them. Whether it was a celebrity death or not, where the hell do you get off? There is still a father who is dead, a brilliant actor who is dead, a son dead, a brother dead. No one has any right to mock something so serious, so tragic- not anyone. It doesn’t matter if you don’t personally care about the individual in general, at least be mature enough and respectable enough to not pass off a death as something “stupid” or “not important.” It was important, it is important.
That being said, I am a fan of Heath Ledger. Actually, I respect him quite a bit. On skill alone, I think he was an absolutely brilliant actor. He was dedicated and inspiring and good at what he did, and I think he was one of those rare people that really loved to do what they did. For young actors, he was absolutely someone to look up to, personal problems aside.
He’s someone I really do admire and respect. He’s someone I’m happy to possibly be grouped with someday, someone I’m proud to say I look up to. I don’t care about the critics, I don’t care about those idiotic people who don’t give a shite, or who think his death was stupid.
In the end, he was a great man. He was a father and a son and a brother and an incredible actor who really had passion for what he did.
So rest in peace, Heath. You will be missed.
That’s really all I can say. I’m still in shock. I wish it wasn’t so generic, but I cant even begin to really comprehend.
"I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future."
"I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future."
-- Heath Ledger
13 August 2006 @ 08:30 pm
Anyone here skilled with S2 layouts? Im good with S1, but theres this on S2 layout I really like. Problem is, you've got to upload the style sheet or something, and Im totally lost.
